Manipulate Reality (spiritualcanvas) wrote in eclecticpagans,
Manipulate Reality
spiritualcanvas
eclecticpagans

I don't know, I'm still learning

Lately it seems all around me people are discussing religion, spirituality, the divine, and beliefs in terms of how to define it, what it is and isn't, who's a poser, what's real, etc.
So I wanted to write a little about myself and get some opinions. I'm being very raw and honest here, and I don't think I've ever really discussed this with anybody before, so I'm very interested in what people have to say.
As a child, my family was generally agnostic Christian... God, angels, jesus, but that's it. My mom and grandma grew up in a generally Mormon family but i'm thankful that they never passed it on to me, since I find it to be a lot of rubbish, but that's just me. I basically believed in God and angels because that's what I was taught but never gave it much thought. Never went to church, never prayed or said my blessings before bed, etc. Was very curious however with the supernatural, psychics, aliens, etc.
On my 13th birthday a friend of my mom's gave me a book on Wicca by Silver Ravenwolf. Now, I know a lot of people think she's a fluff bunny, etc. and generally don't like her, but damn that book hit home for me and made more sense to me than anything else I had ever read, and I do have a lot of respect for her as an author and what she teaches.
I began reading books by Silver Ravenwolf as well as Scott Cunningham, but while Wicca and Paganism rang true for me much more than anything else I'd ever learned about, it still didn't quite seem to fit. I went through my fluff bunny phase but got over it quickly.
At 16, went through existentialist Athiest phase, but shortly thereafter went through a bunch of life changes and trials that made me rethink life and my beliefs. I realized that I don't know everything, no one does, and life isn't simple and black and white, and some things are simply unexplainable by rationale and science.
During this point in my life, I was 18-19 and went through a big re-evaluation of my beliefs and spirituality. I read and read about religion and spirituality, took a Religious Studies class in college, and since then, I am 20 now and frankly I'm not sure where I fit.
I consider myself Eclectic... that's the best, most specific way I can describe my beliefs, which isn't very specific at all. I just don't know where or what I am, but unlike my younger days, i don't feel such an urgent need to define it, but curiosity and a bit of a feeling of being lost.
I believe in a lot of Buddhist, Wiccan, and Pagan teachings, a bit of Hindu as well. I do believe there is a divine force out there, I'm just not sure what or who it is. And as far as Christianity, Islam, etc. I have a lot of problems with their teachings as far as Hell, "Sin", homosexuality, etc.
I think that the deities of the world are all just facets and different interpretations of this supreme force, though I don't really know how to define this thing other than as the universe, love, life, etc. I am a very strong believer in Astrology and have been studying it for the past few months.I've been also studying and practicing Lucid Dreaming, as well as communicating with the "other side". I also believe in karma very much so as I've observed it first hand. I believe in "Magick" or however you want to define it. I also believe that Prayer and positive, proactive thinking do work. I am an artist and am learning massage therapy as well as color and crystal/stone therapy. I meditate regularly as well. My beliefs basically go off of what I have experienced and learned to be true first hand. I'm a bit of a skeptic sometimes.
I have an alter, a small one, but its mine and I cherish it. It brings me comfort and inspiration and a place to pray, spellcast, meditate, and think. It consists of a picture of my foster mom who died over a year ago, a few happy chinese buddhas (the fat ones) as they've always been very important to me as a deity, spiritual representation, however you want to call it, a Shiva Statuette, A Goddess charm (The Goddess and femininity are very important to me), some of my stones such as my rose quartz that I take everywhere for me (promotes love, calm, especially for children of abusive parents from what I've read), and my meditation balls, which are especially important to me.
I try not to judge anybody or start arguments, as I really don't like conflict or hurting others (yes, I'm a wimp). I'm somewhat of a pacifist, though I'm prone to being a typical mischevious Gemini. I try to treat others as I would like to be treated, be kind to everyone and help people when I can.I've been very much a victim to cruelty and abuse, and frankly I hate the idea of anyone suffering.  Sure I understand its a part of life and I can't help everyone, but I'm the type if you're not feeling the best I'll give you a hug, a cup of tea, and a back massage, and probably make you a bead animal full of love.
So this is my little musing and I would love some feedback, guidence, observations, advice, anything you want to offer me.
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